I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
