She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize