he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
