booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
