I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
