i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
