You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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