i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
