Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
