Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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