And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
