I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
