Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
