Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he thought i was a dude.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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