i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
