No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The air taste purple.
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