After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
