I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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