The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
