can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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