The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
