oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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