Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
