Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
