gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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