May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
