He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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