sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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