its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
