haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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