if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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