i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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