why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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