"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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