now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
