Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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