honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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