Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
