Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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