im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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