Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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