My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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