Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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