When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
