I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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