So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
