Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
