The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
