he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
