So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
