i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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