But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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