Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So squirting runs in the family.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
