apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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