its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
