I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
