I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
