why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
