This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
