He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
