i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
