I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
