Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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