I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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