so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
