Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
