What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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