Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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