yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
