Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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