she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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