when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
