I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
