our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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