Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
