Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
