You can't special order awesome
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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