I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
