I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
