Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
