Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
