On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
